shark bites and dog fights

in other news my mom found out the opossum was me 

then she apologised for throwing it away and said her brother used to do taxidermy and if I did it outside it would be okay

now I just fucking hate myself I wanted that skull 

okay I need to tell this story it literally made mother’s day bearable for me:

I went out at 3AM this morning to take a walk and pick up an opossum for bone collecting. Double bagged the thing and brought it back home, stuck it under a container with a rock over it to keep out stray dogs until I could behead it and bury it for cleaning later. I put in the shadiest part of our backyard to keep the smell down, and that happened to be under our trampoline. 

so I wake up at 2PM today to my brother threatening to put a “dead animal” in my bed if I didn’t get up and instantly I’m like fuck they found it. you have to understand that I am the family freak and nobody actually likes me here

so I roll out of bed and first thing my mother asks me is if “I have any enemies” because she’s thinking this dead animal in a bag is a revenge plot WHICH I UNDERSTAND because some kids beat in our mailbox once when they found out I was queer

then my brother tells me that she thought dad was having an affair and that his mistress left the thing in our backyard as a threat

even better: all three of them thought it was a dead baby and when my brother said that it was probably something dead my mother screamed “I’M DONE” and went back into the house 

meanwhile im just sitting here hiding my backpack full of xacto knives, trash bags and rubber gloves and discretely trying to clean the mud off my shoes 

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

confession time

whenever my friends make that “AHP BUP BUP” exclamation that TFP Ratchet does I get so filled with emotions because its so cute and Ratchet is so fucking cute and literally just make those sounds and I will curl up on the floor screaming about how unfair it is

somebody stole my laundry basket on the last day of being in this dorm

apparently im deep enough in the fandom pool that people are asking me to draw naked robots

I had my space studio final today and we all went down to the river

for our finals we had to make something that floated and someone made body parts out of soap

one of them got out of the pool we were floating them in and drifted away and all its fingers broke off except for one and we were all dying because it looked like it was flipping us off down the river

and I made a tinfoil boat complete with sails and I hated it so much that I wrote “S.S. Piece Of Shit” on the side and then it capsized because it was too windy

now all I need to do is finish my drawing final and then my semester is over UwU yes

wow and then I made myself sad for asking questions I probably shouldn’t have asked

my dad kept sharing posts on Facebook about an officer who had died so I assumed he knew the guy and he’d died in the line of duty but I decided to ask about it anyway

and it turns out he was a detective my dad used to work with who’s son had a temper and got mad about him asking to help him with yard work and the kid just up and grabbed a gun and shot him in the back of the head as he was changing a lightbulb. kept shooting him in the back when he fell. 

I dunno. it seems like such a poor way to die. by the hands of someone you love, and you risk your life for every day on the police force so they can have a safer place to live. 

its fascinating how things turn out. fascinating and sad.

whoa 

looking back through my archives the first TF thing I posted was on February 25th. missed the day I sold my eternal soul to giant alien robots by two months happy late birthday to me

I was sitting out with my friend in their backyard last night, just hanging out in the dark when y’know human nature dictates that scary stories must be told in the buttfuck of night.

so they go about telling me about a time back when they lived in Georgia. They were seven years old. She was outside with her brother feeding the dogs at night, and she looked up into a tree and saw a black thing sitting in the branches. She described it as hunched over, with two huge red eyes. They called to their brother, who was out in the yard, to get back inside. He came back over, saw the thing in the tree, and they both went inside and locked the door.

I asked her about how big it was and if its body was covered in anything, and they said around man-sized and either covered in feathers or fur. 

so being the dick I am I got really excited because that’s exactly how Mothman sightings are described, and Mothman has always been a particular interest of mine

so I’m like “dude you saw Mothman holy shit” and she gets really confused. They’d never heard of Mothman before- which alone interested me because most cryptid sightings are blown off because whoever’s claiming the case usually already believes in whatever they saw. EX: UFO hunters seeing weird lights in the sky

I pull up Google images on my phone and flip through a few and at this point I might have made her cry because they were spot-on to what she saw. And at this point her brother comes home, so she calls him over like “remember that thing we saw in the tree back in Georgia”. I pull up the images again to show him and he confirms, looking a little surprised because he hadn’t realized it was an actual thing. 

Just like. Whoa. I’ve always been deeply into cryptozoology but I’ve never met anybody who’s claimed these kind of things before. It’s pretty damn interesting. 

yo so monday during studio class we had to do performance art where we literally drew models with ink and sticks while people watched us 

but halfway through I got intense stomach pains and the professor sent me home with a 500 word essay assignment to make up for missed class

and I just wrote the most satirical paper ever I’ll let you know how this goes because I expect either dead silence or violent laughter